“Who is it You’re Looking For?”

John 20:1-18

January 23, 2005

We’re going to have a burial for my mom in early April. On Friday I went with my dad to see about a burial plot. He chose Mt. Pleasant cemetery. He chose a “tree plot” meaning we selected a tall pine tree in this very old graveyard at the base of which we’d place my mom’s ashes and they’d install a granite pillar with a bronze plate bearing her name and whatever else my dad wished to have inscribed there.

The whole thing felt rather routine to me, to be honest. We entered the gate, drove up to the building and were greeted by an English woman named Hillary whose demeanour bordered on flippancy, and who could have just as easily been selling vacuum cleaners rather than grave sites. We scanned some brochures, filled out some forms, wrote a couple checks and then, as if shopping for a used car, we got to go out and ‘pick our spot’. Then it was back to the office, one more form, goodbye Hillary, and out the same gate we entered by.

I made a very troubling observation on the drive home: in that last hour, I had no expectation of life.

What I mean is that I had almost completely suspended hope for the time I was in the cemetery. I didn’t consciously make a choice for this, I didn’t go sombrely and sourly among the tombs because I was in a graveyard and that’s what’s expected. (In fact I’ve actually had some wonderful times of prayer and solitude in cemeteries.) It wasn’t until I left, in fact, that it even occurred to me that I had stopped looking for, and expecting to find life for that hour. Since yesterday I’ve been trying to recall some other time when I had no expectation of life. Thankfully I couldn’t think of one. However, I did come to empathize with Mary Magdalene (John 20:1-10):

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. ²So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they have put him!"

³So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. ⁴Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. ⁵He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. ⁶Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, ⁷as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. ⁸Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. ⁹(They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

¹⁰Then the disciples went back to their homes,

According to Jewish custom, Mary (and some others, ‘we do not know where they have put him’) had gone to observe the Jewish custom of three days mourning at the tomb. It was likely somewhere between 3 and 6 am when they arrived to find that the stone covering the entrance to Jesus’ tomb had been rolled away. (Archaeological excavation has shown that the tomb would have been quarried out of rock and would have been sealed with a sick-like stone which was rolled down a sloping groove across the door. Thus, while relatively easy to close, it would require several people to open.)

So Mary ran to find her friends, a couple of Jesus’ disciples, to tell them what she’d found. Peter, and (most likely) John, ran to the tomb, saw the open door, saw the discarded burial cloth, believed, and went home. What was it they supposedly believed? They believed that the body of Jesus had been, as Mary had told them, taken—possibly by the Romans to rub salt in the wounds of Jesus’ followers—and that it was a sign that they should go into hiding because they felt threatened by this. (Not recalling that only a few days ago Jesus had told them that he’d rise from the dead.)

Mary had gone to get help, not remembering Jesus’ promised resurrection, not expecting that life had been rekindled. Peter and John ran to the tomb, saw it empty and returned home in fear—also with no recollection or expectation that life had been rekindled.

¹¹but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb ¹²and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

¹³They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him."

Now this little exchange always baffles me. Mary stayed behind and wept. While she’s crying, two angels appear where there had previously only been discarded burial cloth, which means they were in the tomb. This means that either Mary was blinded by her crying, and didn’t see them walk past her into the tomb. Or they appeared miraculously. Either way, I can’t get over Mary’s response to their question (“woman, why are you crying?”). "They have taken my Lord away and I don't know where they have put him."

These are angels! Don’t you think Mary would have started to wonder if something bigger wasn’t going on here? Wouldn’t you think she’d have said something like, “Wait a minute; you guys are angels aren’t you? How’d you get in here? Do you know something about this?”

But you know, when hearts are resigned to the grip of death, eyes don’t see life right in front of them. I got a sense of this the other day in the cemetery. Mary’s heart was so tangled in the web of death and sorrow that she didn’t even recognize angels. And it gets worse. Mary turns to leave. She was going to walk away from this divine appointment.

¹⁴At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

What’s even worse than missing angels? It’s not recognizing Jesus when He’s standing right in front of you. (Which is what death and sorrow can do to our vision of Life.)

¹⁵"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

She thinks He’s the gardener! And she’s got to explain to this gardener why she’s crying! Can’t people just leave her alone? But then the “gardener” spoke her name: "Mary." And at that moment he became the True Gardener as his voice and presence ploughed the parched, rock-hard and stony ground covering her heart.

Mary saw Life again.

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).

And she threw her arms around Him. And he undoubtedly welcomed her embrace, then said to her:

“Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.' "

I think what Jesus is saying to her is, “Mary, I know you want me to stay with you this way. I know your heart wants things to be the way they always were but they can’t be. There is more, much more. More than you can bear to know right now. I have to continue being about my Father’s business and return to him.

Mary, I want to give you a tremendous gift. You get to be the bearer of the news that I am alive and well. And I think you’ll never again struggle to see life.”

¹⁸Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her (John 20:1-18, NIV).

Mary went. Mary the broken-hearted, Mary the vision-less, Mary the hopeless became Mary the tender-hearted, Mary the life-seeker, Mary the hopeful because she’d encountered the One Who Is Life. In the middle of a cemetery where all is lost and cold, Jesus brought life.

“Who is it you’re looking for?” It’s the one question upon which this whole scene hinges.

What Jesus is doing is always beyond our ability to see and know. But the amazing mystery is that He invites us to go along with Him as he does what he does. When Jesus asked Mary who she was looking for, he was extending an invitation to join him in the grander vision.

(But I wonder if Mary wanted to cling to the Jesus who’d come back, seemingly just for her at that moment. I would have. The yearning to recapture the closeness you had with one who’s dead can be all-consuming. And here was Mary’s beautiful friend come back! Who gets that opportunity? I wonder if she just wanted to hang on.)

But Mary let go. She let go because the eyes of her heart had opened and she could see more than she had previously been able to see. And I think what Mary saw in that moment was the truth that she would have Jesus, she’d have His power and His presence, all the things she knew of him before, only now everyone could know it.

And so Mary left Jesus there, but she didn’t leave Jesus there. She left with His power, His presence, His hope, His life. And she became one who sowed seeds of life. My guess is that she never again had a moment in her life when she had no expectation of life. Mary had encountered the risen Christ, right there in a cemetery where death can seem all consuming.

It’s hard sometimes to expect life. So much of what we know around us is changing. For some of us it can feel like death. But I want to encourage you with something I learned this week. As I thought back over my time in the cemetery on Friday, I was reminded that there were signs of life all around me.

The plot we chose for my mom is on a hill top, facing west to the afternoon and evening sun. Around our feet were tracks left by rabbits, squirrels and other people. There are trees there, some that are a hundred years old. And then came the reminder of the promise that though life can be bleak and seem hopeless sometimes, especially staring at a grave site, Jesus wasn’t bound by the grave.

What’s more? His triumph over death made it possible for us to triumph.

So we could spend our days feeling hopeless, or we could follow Mary’s example and spend our days pointing to Life. Because Jesus asks us the same question He asked Mary: Who is it that you’re looking for? Because what you’re looking for is what you’ll find. If you’re looking for things around you to support your fear and hopelessness, you’ll find plenty. But, if you’re looking for me, you’ll find me, and I will give you eyes to see life in all things, healing for your broken heart, and power to sow seeds of life all around you because of me.

Who is it you’re looking for? Let’s pray.